CAPS
by Happy2BeDee
Summary: Elliot and Olivia and the plights of their love. PARODY
1. Chapter 1

**JUST A STORY I HAD TO GET OUT. AU, AND PROBABLY FUNNY, I DON'T KNOW YOUR HUMOR, LOL. BUT THIS IS SHORT, JUST GONNA BE A TINY STORY, A FEW CHAPTERS. DICK WOLF OWNS THE CHARACTERS, ENJOY.**

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"MY NAME IS OLIVIA BENSON AND I LOVE ELLIOT STABLER!"

"EXCUSE ME?" KATHY SAID AS ELLIOT, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LOOKED ON WITH A BIG, SHIT LICKING GRIN ON HIS FACE; I KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE KATHY EITHER!

ANYWAY THE KIDS LOOKED ON…AND HER PARENTS...AND HIS MOTHER...AND THEIR PRIEST, WHO JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE THERE FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER. THE ONE I HAD NOT BEEN INVITED TO, CRAZY, RIGHT? WAIT, WHERE WAS I? OH YEAH, SO KATHY GOES "EXCUSE ME?" AND THE ROOM GOES SILENT BECAUSE THEY WERE NOW SAYING GRACE.

WHAT, OH YOU THOUGHT I WAS IN THE ROOM? NO SEE, I WAS AT HOME, PRACTICING IN THE HAND MIRROR WITH A VERY TASTY BOTTLE OF PUMPKIN SPICE RUMIN (RUM & GIN) WHILE I ATE MY TURKEY SANDWICH.

"I'M OLIVIA BENSON AND I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, ELLIOT JOSEPH STABLER, SAY YOU LOVE ME TOO!"

OF COURSE, HE CAN'T SAY IT TO ME BECAUSE HE'S WITH HER. I WONDER IF I WERE HER IF I COULD MAKE HIM BE THE FOOL HE IS BUT FOR ME. I IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE IF WE HAD ALL THOSE KIDS; MAYBE NOT ALL OF THEM...TWO.

THEY MUST BE FINISHED SAYING THAT GRACE BY NOW. I DON'T KNOW WHY I DO THIS. IT'S NOT AS IF ELLIOT WILL MAGICALLY COME TO ME. IT'S NOT AS IF I'LL FINISH THIS BOTTLE, (WHICH I WILL IN ANOTHER SIP OR TWO) AND HE'LL JUST SHOW UP CUZ THAT WOULD BE STUPID, SO I'LL JUST DRINK THIS UP AND GO TO BED EXCEPT NOW THERE'S SOMEONE KNOCKING ON MY DOOR.

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 **MORE TO COME.**


	2. Chapter 2

**BACK WITH CHAPTER 2, LET SEE WHO'S AT OLIVIA'S DOOR. OH AND DID I MENTION THAT THIS TAKES PLACE DURING SEASON 12 BECAUSE IT DOES.**

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I SAT STARING AT THE FRONT DOOR "IF THIS IS A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS, I ALREADY TOLD THEM THAT I GAVE AT THE OFFICE!" I SLOWLY GOT UP- CUZ SLOW IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN MOVE WITH MY BAD LEFT FOOT

"DON'T BE LIKE THAT " I SAID TO THE RIGHT FOOT, STOPPING IN THE HAKK… IN THE HAJJ… IN THE HALL (I MAY BE A BIT DRUNK) AND I SAID TO MY FOOT; I SAID, "YOU'RE A GOOD FOOT TOO BUT THIS FOOT IS MY…" WHAT DO YOU CALL IT WHEN YOU… _FORGET IT._ I THOUGHT AS I CONTINUED TO THE DOOR.

KEEP IN MIND THAT ELLIOT HAD BEEN THERE KNOCKING THE WHOLE TIME AND WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR, I WAS SURPRISED TO SEE ELLIOT STANDING THERE, LOOKING SO GROWN UP IN HIS FOOTIE PAJAMAS WITH THE TRUCKS ON THEM.

"EL… WHAT THE HELL TOOK YOU SO LONG?" WAS THE FIRST QUESTION OUT OF MY MOUTH AFTER THE LIQUOR GOT ME AND I THREW UP. THERE WAS TURKEY SANDWICH EVERYWHERE!

"YOUR VOMIT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL, LIV!" HE SAID AS HE STARED AT IT AND THEN ME WITH SUCH LOVE IN HIS EYES...I'D ONLY EVER SEEN HIM LOOK AT CHINESE FOOD THAT WAY!

"YOU STILL DIDN'T TELL ME WHAT YOUR… YOU'RE… YORE (DAMN MY DRUNKENNESS) WHY ARE YOU HERE?"

"YOU SILLY GOOSE" HE SAID WITH A FINGER THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HIT THE TIP OF MY NOSE BUT BY A MISTAKE, WENT in THERE INSTEAD BUT ELLIOT JUST SMILED AND PULLED IT OUT...ALONG WITH A BIG, SNOTTY, GREEN, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS THING IT WAS HU- WHAT? OH RIGHT, BACK TO THE STORY.

SO ELLIOT PULLS A BOOGER FROM MY NOSE AND WE SORT OF JUST SIT THERE, WAIT ARE WE SITTING YET? NO, OKAY. SO WE'RE STANDING THERE AND HE HAS THIS BOOGER, JUST SORT OF LOOKING AT IT LIKE, _OKAY THIS IS WEIRD._ BUT HE DOESN'T WANT TO RUIN THE MOMENT SO HE WIPES IT ON MY SHIRT AND SAYS

"I COULDN'T BEAR SITTING THERE IN MY HOUSE THAT I STILL OWE THE BANK FOR, WITH MY FAMILY THAT I SOMETIMES HATE BECAUSE THEY WEIGH ME DOWN, ESPECIALLY THAT BABY! I KNOW HE'S NOT MINE LIV, I KNOW IT- BUT I CAN'T PROVE IT! IF ONLY THERE WERE A WAY TO DETERMINE IF CHILDREN ARE REALLY YOURS...WELL NOT _yours,_ YOU'RE NOT A MOTHER YOU KNOW. "

"YES I KNOW"

"I MEAN, WOW, NEVER HAD ANY CHILDREN"

"YEAH, CAN WE…"

"NEVER KNOWING WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE A BABY SUCKLE AT YOUR TEET, I MEAN..."

"DAMNIT, I GET IT! NO KIDS!"

"YOU GOT IT? JUST MAKING SURE. LOOKING OUT FOR MY LIVVIE LOVE!" HE SAID WITH A CHUCK TO MY CHEEK. GOD, IT WAS THE MOST HEAVENLY CHUCK EVER! "WHERE WAS I?"

"DETERMINING PATERNITY"

"RIGHT. I MEAN IF ONLY THERE WERE SOME WAY!"

"YEAH, SOOOO… WHY ARE YOU HERE AGAIN?" I ASKED. I NEEDED ANSWERS, I'M A DETECTIVE WITH THE NYPD AND WE WOULDN'T SIT DOWN UNTIL I HAD THEM!

"OH YEAH, THAT… I CAME TO GRANT YOUR HALLOWEEN WISH"

"IT'S THANKSGIVING"

"YOUR THANKSGIVING WISH" HE SAID.

"YOU BOUGHT ME EGGOG WITHOUT THE DAIRY?"

"NO, YOUR OTHER WISH" SUDDENLY THE HAPPIEST FEELING IN THE WORLD CAME OVER ME. DARE I HOPE?!

"KATHY'S DEAD?!"

"NO LIV...IT'S ME, I'M YOUR GIFT. AND TONIGHT, I'M GONNA MAKE LOVE TO YOU. ALL. 4 ½ MINUTES. LONG."

"YOU MEAN…"

HE SMILED AT ME SEXILY AND SAID: "GET THE CRISCO CUZ WE'RE COOKING TONIGHT!"

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 **DOES EL MEAN IT? IS LIV DREAMING? TUNE IN NEXT TIME AND LET'S JUST SEE ABOUT THAT!**


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE.**

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ELLIOT TOOK OFF HIS TRENCH COAT AND UNZIPPED HIS FOOTIE PAJAMAS; I GOTTA TELL YOU, I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THE SIZE… OF THE LONG UNDERWEAR HE HAD ON UNDERNEATH. THEY WERE THE TIGHT KIND THAT BUTTONED ALL THE WAY UP TO THE NECK.

"I WORE THEM FOR YOU!" HE SAID WITH A SMILE ON HIS FACE AND I JUST COULDN'T RESIST. I THREW MY ARMS AROUND HIM AND WENT FOR IT.

CUE THE MUSIC, THE BATMAN THEME. ELLIOT AND I TURNED UP. WE TOOK IT THERE; WELL HE TOOK IT THERE, I JUST LAID THERE WHILE HE MADE MY BODY SING AND WHEN HE WAS DONE, WE FUCKED. WE DID IT IN SO MANY POSITIONS, HE MUST HAVE LASTED AT LEAST 5 MINUTES AND WHEN ELLIOT FINALLY ROLLED OFF ME AFTER…

"OH MAN, THAT WAS SPECIAL...YESSSS!" HE SAID.

"IT SURE WAS; ELLIOT, I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING...I'M PREGNANT!"

"WHAT?"HE SAID, UTTERLY SURPRISED "ARE YOU SURE?"

"I KNOW MY BODY ELLIOT...YOU'RE NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS?" I SAID IN TEARS.

"NO, I AM IT'S JUST...I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO ABOUT KATHY; WE HAVE 5 KIDS YOU KNOW"

"I KNOW"

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5" HE SAID, HOLDING UP FINGERS.

"YES, I'M AWARE"

"LAUREEN, DOREEN, ETHEL, CALEB, VOLTRON AND SETH…"

"YOU MEAN MAUREEN, KATHLEEN, LIZZIE, DICKIE AND ELI?"

"AND VOLTRON"

"THERE'S NO VOLTRON"

"ARE YOU SURE? CUZ I COULD'VE SWORN…"

"NO VOLTRON ELLIOT! THAT WOULD BE 6, YOU HAVE 5!" GOD, SOMETIMES HE'S SO DUMB, GOOD THING HE'S HOT!

"WELL THEN, CAN WE NAME OUR BABY VOLTRON?" EVERYTHING INSIDE ME WANTED TO SAY NO, ESPECIALLY WHEN I TOUCHED MY STOMACH AND FELT THAT LITTLE LIFE INSIDE ME. IT WAS ONLY 2 MINUTES OLD BUT IT WAS DEPENDING ON ME. YET STILL, WHEN ELLIOT LOOKED AT ME IN OUR SPECIAL WAY, STARING AT ME WITH THOSE BIG BLUES, I WANTED TO GIVE HIM THE WHOLE WORLD AND IT WAS WITH THIS THAT I AGREED.

"WE CAN NAME IT VOLTRON!" I SAID. WE BOTH HAD TEARS IN OUR EYES.

"OH DANI, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"

"I'M OLIVIA"

"I KNEW THAT!* AND HE KISSED ME...THEN ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH… "WOO, I GOTTA GET GOING OR KATHY WILL BE LOOKING FOR ME AND WE DON'T WANT THAT!" HE SAID, STEPPING INTO HIS FOOTIE PAJAMAS.

"OH, OKAY...WILL YOU AT LEAST CALL ME?" I SAID WITH THE COVERS WRAPPED ON MY HAIR, IT GOT COLD AT NIGHT.

"I'LL DO YOU ONE BETTER, I'LL SEE YOU AT WORK TOMORROW!"

"YAY!"

"ALRIGHT, GOODNIGHT LIV!" AND HE LEFT WITH ME FEELING LIKE THE LUCKIEST WOMAN ON EARTH! I HAD JUST MADE LOVE TO MY DREAM MAN, HE LEFT RIGHT AFTER TO GO HOME TO HIS WIFE, AND HE SAID HE LOVED ME...NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT I'M HAVING HIS BABY AND THERE, IN THE MIDDLE OF MY BEDROOM FLOOR, HE LEFT HIS UNDERWEAR WITH A BIG DOODY STAIN IN THEM BECAUSE HE THOUGHT HE HAD TO FART! HE LEFT THOSE FOR ME!

AS I PICKED UP THOSE UNDERWEAR AND CURLED UP WITH THEM, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF HOW LUCKY I AM BEFORE I STARTED TO MASTURBATE WITH THEM AND THEN AFTER I WAS DONE FOR THE 4TH TIME, I WENT TO SLEEP.

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 **QUEENS**

ELLIOT GOT HOME AND WENT INTO THE KITCHEN, DECIDING ON A LATE NIGHT HAM SANDWICH AND WAS SURPRISED TO FIND KATHY THERE, SMOKING A CIGARETTE, HER HAIR UP IN ROLLERS WITH HER HEADSCARF ON BREASTFEEDING ELI.

"HONEY...WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWNSTAIRS?" HE ASKED NERVOUSLY.

"HOW LONG DID YOU THINK YOU COULD KEEP THIS FROM ME ELLIOT?" SHE ASKED AND TOOK ANOTHER DRAG OF THE CIGARETTE, ALL WHILE SHE NEVER TOOK HER EYES OFF HIM.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

SHE TOOK THE LAST TWO PULLS ON THE CIGARETTE, BLOWING THE SMOKE OUT OF HER NOSE BEFORE STUBBING IT OUT.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO PLAY ME MOTHERFUCKER?"

"WHAT?"

"I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU AND OLIVIA AND I KNOW YOU GOT HER PREGNANT"

"HOW DID"

"NEVERMIND THAT...ELI, GO TO BED!"

"OKAY MOM. GOODNIGHT DAD!" ELI SAID AND GOT OFF THE BREAST, SKIPPING UPSTAIRS.

"KATHY LISTEN"

"NO you LISTEN. TOMORROW, YOU ARE GOING TO GO TO WORK AND YOU ARE GOING TO ACT LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW THAT BITCH. YOU ARE GOING TO END THINGS AND IF I CATCH YOU ANYWHERE NEAR HER; YOU WILL BE SORRY, DO YOU HEAR ME ELLIOT?

"BUT WE WORK TOGETHER."

"OH...WELL...IF I CATCH YOU ANYWHERE NEAR HER, OUTSIDE OF WORK, YOU ARE GOING TO BE SORRY, DO YOU HEAR ME ELLIOT? SORRY?"

"WHAT ABOUT THE BABY?"

"MOTHERFUCKER, GET OUT OF MY FACE!" SHE SAID AND HE GRABBED THE HAM, CHEESE, BREAD, MAYONNAISE, SOME LETTUCE, TOMATOES, MUSTARD, A PLATE AND A KNIFE AND RAN OUT OF THE ROOM at IN TEARS.

"I'LL TEACH HIM TO CHEAT ON ME!" KATHY SAID AS SHE LIT ANOTHER CIGARETTE.

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 **.**

 **WHAT WILL ELLIOT DO? WILL HE ABIDE BY KATHY'S RULES? WILL OLIVIA FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON? WHY IS ELI SO GROWN? TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN WITH THIS, LOL. HERE'S PART 4 FOR THOSE OF YOU STILL READING THIS FOOLISHNESS.**

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ELLIOT HAD A LOT OF THINKING TO DO. IF HE WENT FOR THE GIANTS BUT THE JETS WON THE SUPERBOWL, HE WOULD BE FOREVER EMBARRASSED.

HE GOT UP AND TOOK A LOOK IN THE MIRROR; HE DIDN'T LIKE WHAT HE SAW, KATHY HADN'T DONE MUCH OF A JOB AT CLEANING AND THE MIRROR WAS COVERED IN SPOTS.

"SOMETHING'S GOTTA CHANGE!" HE SAID, FEELING THE DIRT BETWEEN HIS FINGERS.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" KATHY SAID, COMING OUT OF THE SHADOWS WITH ELI, CAUSING ELLIOT TO JUMP.

"I WAS JUST...NOTHING, I WAS DOING NOTHING! HEY ELI." HE SAID, TRYING TO MAKE SMALL TALK AND NOTICING HOW KATHY'S PALE, WHITE SKIN CONTRASTED WITH ELI'S DEEP, BROWN COLOR.

"YOU BETTER NOT BE THINKING ABOUT THAT BITCH!" KATHY TOLD HIM ON NO UNCERTAIN TERMS.

"I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT THE DOG, KATHY!"

"GOOD! OH AND SHE NEEDS TO GO TO THE VET" SHE SAID, A LONG DRAG OF HER CIGARETTE FOLLOWING.

"SO TAKE HER, I GOTTA GO TO WORK!"

"AND KEEP AWAY FROM OLIVIA!" ELLIOT LET OUT A SORROWFUL BREATH AS HE HUNG HIS HEAD.

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 **THE PRECINCT**

I WAS SITTING AT MY DESK, TALKING TO MY BABY; WELL MINE AND EL'S. IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT I'M ALREADY 5 MONTHS ALONG. IT'S GETTING HARD TO HIDE THIS PREGNANCY AND I NEED TO TELL CRAGEN, THEN TELL THE GUYS. I'LL BE SO GLAD WHEN ELLIOT GETS HERE AND WE CAN DO JUST THAT.

TO THINK, YESTERDAY I HAD NOTHING BUT AN ACHING WANT FOR ELLIOT AND NOW HERE I AM FIVE MONTHS FULL OF HIS LOVE! IT'S FUNNY WHERE LIFE CAN TAKE YOU.

"OLIVIA, I NEED TO SEE YOU IN MY OFFICE" CRAGEN YELLED FROM ACROSS THE ROOM.

 _SHIT!_ I THOUGHT TO MYSELF.

" _SHIT_ , WHAT?" FIN ASKED.

"HUH?"

"YOU SAID _SHIT!_ I WAS ASKIN, _SHIT_ WHAT?"

 _SO I THOUGHT I THOUGHT IT TO MYSELF BUT I GUESS I WAS WRONG!_

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"OLIVIA!" CRAGEN CALLED AGAIN.

"I UM...I'LL TELL YOU LATER!" I SAID, THEN GOT UP FROM MY DESK WITH MY BACK TURNED TO FIN AND GRABBED MY COAT. "CHILLY IN HERE!" I SAID, ZIPPING IT UP ON MY WAY TO CRAGEN.

"CLOSE THE DOOR" HE SAID AS I CAME IN. I DID, AND STOOD THERE AT THE DOOR.

"NOW WHAT?" I SAID. HE LOOKED UP FROM HIS PAPERWORK AND SAID:

"NOTHING. I JUST WANTED TO SEE YOU IN MY OFFICE...YOU CAN GO NOW."

I LOVE CAPTAIN, BUT HE CAN BE SO STRANGE SOMETIMES I THOUGHT AS I WENT BACK TO MY DESK. WHEW, BEING 7 MONTHS PREGNANT WAS TOUGH; AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, _WASN'T SHE JUST 5 MONTHS PREGNANT?_ THE ANSWER IS YES, I WAS BUT NOW I'M SEVEN, BABIES GROW YA KNOW?!

SO ANYWAY, THERE I AM WITH MY SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT BELLY WHEN SUDDENLY ELLIOT COMES IN. HE'S LOOKING LIKE A GREEK GOD ALL OILED UP WITH HIS MUSCLES RIPPLING, A PAIR OF SUSPENDERS WITH HIS SKIN TIGHT JEANS THAT HE WORE WITH NO SHIRT. I. WAS. ABSOLUTELY. DROOLING.

"ELLIOT, YOU LOOK…" I STARTED, BUT HE QUICKLY PUT HIS FINGERS TO MY LIPS AND SILENCED ME.

"I KNOW" HE SAID AND KISSED ME THEN PULLED ME TO THE SIDE. "SO LISTEN, IF KATHY COMES AROUND, YOU GOTTA HIDE. SHE KNOWS ABOUT THE BABY AND SHE'S NOT HAPPY, IN FACT, I'VE BEEN ORDERED TO STAY AWAY FROM YOU. BUT YOU LOOK GOOD!" HE SAID, RUBBING MY BELLY.

"WHAT?"

"I SAID YOU LOOK GOOD"

"NOT THAT, I MEAN THE PART ABOUT KATHY!"

"OH, THAT SHE KNOWS ABOUT THE BABY AND ORDERED ME TO STAY AWAY FROM YOU? YEAH, SHE'S A BITCH THAT WAY. YOU WANNA GO HAVE SEX IN THE CRIBS?"

"I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK!" I SAID!

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 **.**

 **WILL KATHY CATCH OUR LOVERS? WILL ELLIOT FIND OUT THAT ELI ISN'T IN FACT HIS? WILL CRAGEN FIND OUT THE TRUTH?**


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5. THANKS FOR READING BUT THIS IS THE END. DICK WOLF OWNS, I JUST HAD FUN WITH THEM. ENJOY.**

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CAPTAIN STEPPED OUT AND ELLIOT AND I WENT TO THE CRIBS AND FUCKED LIKE THERE WAS NO TOMORROW AND WHEN I STARTED TO COME, IT WAS SO HARD AND SO MUCH

"ELLIOT...OH GOD, BABY I'M GONNA COME!" I SAID JUST AS I DID WITH A GUSH SO STRONG THAT IT WOULDN'T STOP AND JUST AS ELLIOT REACHED FOR MY BREAST IT WASHED HIM AWAY.

"WHOA!" I HEARD HIM SAY AS HE WAS SNATCHED FROM BENEATH ME, THANK GOD THE DOOR WAS CLOSED OR HE WOULD HAVE DRIFTED OUT ONTO THE HALL.

I FINISHED COMING AND GOT UP AND RAN TO THE DOOR. ELLIOT WAS LYING UP AGAINST IT COVERED IN SEAWEED, A STARFISH SWIMMING BY IN THE AFTER DRIFT.

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"

"THAT WAS INSANE...DO IT AGAIN!"

"MAKE ME COME AND I WILL" I SAID WITH A KISS TO HIS LIPS THAT HE SUDDENLY STOPPED.

"YEAH, UH, SEE THE THING IS...I'M GONNA NEED AN HOUR; MAYBE FIVE…"

"IT'S OKAY, I DON'T MIND YOUR DISFUNCTION!" JUST THEN, WE HEARD IT.

" _ELLIOT JOSEPH STABLER!"_ ELLIOT QUICKLY SAT UP.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" HE SAID FRIGHTENED."WAS THAT…?"

"IT SOUNDED LIKE KATHY!" I SAID AND ELLIOT SCREAMED.

"OH GOD...SHE'LL KILL ME...GET DRESSED!"

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 **SQUAD ROOM**

"KATHY...HEY" MUNCH SAID.

"DON'T HI ME, WHERE'S ELLIOT?"

"I DON'T KNOW...MAYBE HE WENT OUT"

"MUNCH, I'LL BREAK YOUR BONY ASS, WHERE IS HE? ELLIOT!" SHE YELLED AND MADE HER WAY THROUGH THE PRECINCT AS SHE TOOK A DRAG FROM HER CIGARETTE AND ELI WAS BREASTFEEDING.

"WHAT'S THE HURRY?" FIN SAID TO KATHY WHEN HE SAW ELLIOT TRYING TO SNEAK OUT BEHIND HER BACK AND OLIVIA SLIDING INTO HER DESK, HOLDING HER BELLY. MUNCH SAW THIS TOO AND A CONFUSED LOOK SETTLED ON BOTH THEIR FACES BEFORE THEY SNAPPED BACK TO REALITY AND SUDDENLY UNDERSTOOD AND TRIED TO HELP AS ELLIOT WENT OUT THE BACK WAY.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY FIN, I KNOW HE'S HERE SOMEWHERE!" AND SHE TURNED AROUND TO SEE OLIVIA SITTING AT HER DESK, PRETENDING TO DO PAPERWORK.

"OLIVIA?"

"KATHY...YOU LOOK WELL!" OLIVIA SMILED.

"DON'T YOU GIVE ME THAT. I KNOW WHAT HE'S UP TO!"

"NO CLUE WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT." OLIVIA SAID.

"SO HOW PREGNANT ARE YOU, TRAMP?"

"9 MONTHS, I'M DUE ANY TIME NOW" SHE SAID JUST AS SHE FELT THE FIRST TWINGES OF LABOR. "OH BOY. UM GUYS…"

"IF YOU THINK FOR ONE MINUTE THAT THIS WILL MAKE HIM LEAVE ME…"

"YOU MIGHT WANNA PICK ELI UP, HE'S SLIPPING OFF YOUR BREAST. GUYS, I THINK I'M IN LA-"

"DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT MY KID, ELI, GO GET ME A PACK OF SMOKES!" SHE SAID, GETTING THE CASH FROM HER BRA. "YOU WORRY ABOUT LITTLE WHAT'S HIS FACE YOU GOT THERE!"

"YEAH, ABOUT THAT" OLIVIA STARTED.

"IT'S NAME IS VOLTRON!" A VOICE SAID SUDDENLY, CAUSING KATHY TO TURN AROUND AND SEE ELLIOT.

"OH SHIT!" FIN SAID.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?" KATHY SAID, GETTING IN HIS FACE.

"I SAID…"ELLIOT WAS FEELING SCARED ALL OF SUDDEN BUT HE LOOKED AT MUNCH AND FIN WHO WERE OFF TO THE SIDE GIGGLING AT HIM AND HE LOOKED AT OLIVIA; HE REALLY WANTED TO HIT THAT LATER AND WITH THIS IN MIND, HE SPOKE UP.

"I SAID IT'S NAME IS VOLTRON...AND I'M LEAVING YOU?"

"GUYS" OLIVIA SAID BUT THEY IGNORED HER.

"I'LL GIVE YOU 5 SECONDS TO CHANGE YOUR TONE AND YOUR MIND!" KATHY SAID AS SHE CLENCHED HER FIST.

"I'M NOT CHANGING MY MIND. I KNOW THAT YOU LIED TO ME!"

"HELLO, FIN?" OLIVIA TRIED, HAVING NO LUCK WITH ANYONE ELSE.

"NOT NOW LIV, THIS IS GETTIN GOOD!" FIN SAID AS MUNCH BROUGHT OUT THE POPCORN.

"LIED TO YOU? THAT'S INSANE!"

"I KNOW THAT ELI ISN'T MINE!" ELLIOT YELLED AS ELI CAME BACK WITH CRAGEN.

"YOU'RE NOT MY DAD?!" ELI CRIED.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?" CRAGEN YELLED.

"I'M IN LABOR HERE!" OLIVIA CRIED.

"YOU'RE PREGNANT?!" CRAGEN SAID. "WHO'S THE FATHER?"

"I CAN EXPLAIN" ELLIOT ANSWERED "WAIT, YOU'RE IN LABOR?"

"WHAT ABOUT ME?" KATHY YELLED

"HE'S NOT MY DADDY!" ELI CRIED.

"SHUT UP ELI!" ELLIOT AND KATHY YELLED.

"THE BABY'S COMING NOW!" OLIVIA SCREAMED.

"JUST WHEN IT'S GETTIN GOOD!" FIN SHOOK HIS HEAD. "ANYBODY KNOW HOW TO DELIVER THIS DAMN THING?"

"DON'T LOOK AT ME!" MUNCH SAID AS ELLIOT RAN TO OLIVIA KNEELING IN FRONT OF HER

"IT'S OKAY LIV, I GOT THIS!"

"OHHH, DIS TEW MUCH!" FIN SAID, FANNING HIMSELF.

"YOU TWO ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!" CRAGEN SAID AS OLIVIA PUSHED.

"I QUIT THIS SHIT! COME ON ELI!" KATHY YELLED.

"MY DADDY…!"

"ONE MORE TIME ELI, I SWEAR TO GOD, ONE MORE TIME!" KATHY YELLED AS SHE HUFFED OUT OF THE PRECINCT DRAGGING ELI.

"COME ON LIV, PULL!" ELLIOT SAID

"WHAT?" OLIVIA CRIED, SWEATING.

"I MEAN PUSH!" OLIVIA PUSHED A FINAL TIME, REALLY HARD AND THE BIGGEST FART IN THE HISTORY OF POOP CAME OUT. IT BLEW THE WHOLE PRECINCT LOOSE, SENDING PAPER, COMPUTERS AND PEOPLE FLYING EVERYWHERE FOR A GOOD MINUTE AND STINKING UP THE PLACE TO HIGH HEAVEN. WHEN SHE WAS DONE HER STOMACH WENT DOWN AND THE PRECINCT WENT QUIET FOR A MOMENT.

"YOU HAD GAS?!" ELLIOT SAID, PISSED OFF.

"OOPS!" SHE SAID. ELLIOT LOOKED AROUND AND KISSED HER FOREHEAD. "KATHY WAIT, I'M SORRY!" HE SAID AS HE RAN AFTER HER. OLIVIA SAT THERE IN THE CHAIR IN TEARS.

"I BEEN DOING THIS DAMN JOB TOO LONG!" CRAGEN SAID AND WENT IN HIS OFFICE, SLAMMING THE DOOR.

"IT'S ALRIGHT LIV, HE'LL BE BACK!" MUNCH SAID. "...FOR WORK" AND HE PATTED HER SHOULDER. AND HE AND FIN WENT OUT ON A CALL.

LIV WAS STILL SITTING AT HER DESK WITH NO PANTS ON AND CRYING WHEN BRIAN RAN IN THE PRECINCT OUT OF NOWHERE, KISSED LIV HARD THEN PUNCHED HER IN THE FACE.

"GET OUT AND DON'T YOU EVER COME BACK YOU WHORE, EVER!" HE YELLED AND RAN OUT.

"WHAT THE HELL?" SHE WONDERED.

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 **.**

 **THE END.**


End file.
